Hmoov tsis zoo, peb txhua tus hauv qee lub sijhawm ntawm lub neej ntsib kev ua phem. Nrog tus qauv tshaj plaws, tus cwj pwm, muaj nyob rau hauv txhua tus tib neeg aggression. Thiab nws manifests nws tus kheej tsuas yog nyob rau hauv txhua txhua hnub. Ntawm no psychologists tau txiav txim siab los saib tshwj xeeb thiab tuaj nrog ntau yam kev ua phem ntawm kev ua phem. Peb tsuas yog txaus siab rau kev sau ntawv uas faib kev ua phem rau hauv kev tshaj tawm thiab zais cia.
Qhia meej thiab zais
Raws li qhov pom tseeb kev ua phem, tsis muaj dab tsi yuav tsum tau piav qhia, nws tshwm sim nws tus kheej qhib. Tej yam txawv heev nrog kev ua phem rau hauv kev puas siab puas ntsws, vim tias nws yuav tsis raug lees paub tias yog kev ua phem txhua. Thiab tsis tsuas yog nyob rau hauv lub qhov muag ntawm ib tug uas "kev phem" yog qhia, tab sis kuj rau tus aggressor nws tus kheej. Feem ntau nws tuaj yeem zoo li kev saib xyuas thiab tsis zoo li kev ua phem. Tus neeg raug tsim txom tsis txawm sim tawm tsam, vim nws tsis xav tias qhov tshwm sim tiag tiag. Thiab qhov no yog perceived lawm, vim li cas koj yuav tiv thaiv thaum lawv simqhia kev txhawj xeeb, siv cov lus tso dag zoo li tsis muaj tseeb, thiab zoo li kev qhia ncaj ncees. Society yuav tsis to taub. Ntawm no qhov xwm txheej hloov pauv hauv txoj kev coj txawv txawv, tus neeg raug tsim txom nws tus kheej pib xav tias ua txhaum rau kev nkag siab qhov tsis zoo thiab tawm tsam cov uas zoo li xav tau qhov zoo tshaj plaws. Nws tsis deb ntawm qhov kev hem thawj zais. Thiab nws yooj yim heev rau tus neeg ua phem siv nws. Thiab feem ntau unconsciously, tab sis qhov tseeb tseem. Dab tsi yog cov cim qhia txog kev ua phem zais cia?
tus neeg aggressor coj li cas?
Yuav ua li cas thiaj paub txog kev ua phem zais cia? Nws yog qhov nyuaj heev, thaum xub thawj siab ib muag, ib tug neeg tsis muaj dab tsi supernatural. Nws tsis qw, tsis tuav, thiab coj tus cwj pwm coj zoo. Nws yog ua tau los ua ib tug portrait ntawm passive aggressor, tus cwj pwm no ua tau raws li ib co yam ntxwv. Qhov tshwm sim ntawm kev ua phem zais zais tau tshwm sim los ntawm cov xwm txheej tau piav qhia hauv qab no.
Nws tsis ua raws li nws cov lus cog tseg
Qhov no tshwm sim li cas? Ua ntej tshaj plaws, nws nods, pom zoo nrog txhua yam, tab sis mus rau qhov kawg nws tsis kam ua kom tiav nws cov lus cog tseg. Ua rau nws qhov tau pom zoo yog qhov teeb meem tiag tiag. Yog hais tias nws los txog rau kev ua tiav ntawm cov lus cog tseg, ces qhov no tshwm sim nyob rau lub sijhawm kawg, ntawm qhov tsis zoo, uas yog ntau qhov kev zam txim thiab qhia meej meej tsis txaus siab. Nws yog qhov tsis yooj yim tshwj xeeb uas muaj cov neeg zoo li no hauv ib puag ncig ze, nrog cov txheeb ze lossis phooj ywg zoo. Kev thov lawv pab qee zaum tsis muaj txiaj ntsig. Piv txwv li, lawv hais kom tus txij nkawm tsis txhob muab cov khoom qab zib uas ua rau nws mob, tab sis nws zoo li tsis nco qab txog qhov kev pom zoo thiab rov muab rau nws.chocolate.
Qhov no tsis txhais hais tias koj yuav tsum sau tag nrho koj cov neeg paub, uas feem ntau tsis ua raws li lawv cov lus cog tseg, ua cov neeg ua phem ua phem. Txawm li cas los xij, hom neeg no yog kev sib xyaw ua ke ntawm yam. Ib qho piv txwv zoo yog tus protagonist ntawm zaj duab xis Hlub thiab nquab. Tom qab tag nrho, yuav ua li cas koj cia siab rau ib tug neeg uas siv lub xeem tsev neeg cov nyiaj rau pigeons, thiab nkaum nrog lawv nyob rau hauv lub qab nthab los ntawm kev pauj? Thiab yog hais tias rau ib tug neeg xws li kev coj cwj pwm tuaj yeem tshwm sim los ntawm qee qhov xwm txheej, tom qab ntawd rau tus neeg ua phem ua phem qhov no tshwm sim tsis tu ncua. Kev tawm tsam rau kev thov, tawv ncauj, tsis nco qab, ncua sij hawm, kev ua haujlwm tsis zoo - cov no yog qhov ua rau muaj kev ua phem. Qee tus neeg tsis ntseeg tias tus cwj pwm no muaj ntau tus txiv neej, tab sis muaj kev ua phem rau cov poj niam ntau zaus.
Nws yeej tsis qhia nws txoj haujlwm kom meej
Nws nyuaj kom tau txais cov lus teb meej los ntawm tus neeg ua phem ua phem, nws tsis hais nws xav li cas, qhov nws xav tau, ncaj qha thiab meej. Nws yooj yim dua rau nws kom khiav tawm ntawm qhov teeb meem, sib tham txog cov teeb meem thiab sim ua kom meej qhov xwm txheej - qhov no tsis yog rau nws. Nws nyuaj dhau rau nws piav qhia qhov tsis yog, qhov nws xav tau thiab yuav daws qhov teeb meem no lossis qhov xwm txheej li cas. Nws yog qhov nyuaj kom nkag siab seb puas muaj cov lus tawm tswv yim thiab seb tus neeg puas muaj kev txaus siab. Cov lus teb rau cov lus nug yog tib yam: "tej zaum", "Kuv tsis paub", "Kuv tsis quav ntsej", "txawm koj hais", "ua li koj nyiam", thiab lwm yam. Tej zaum nws yuav zoo li tus interlocutor uas tus khub muab nws txoj kev ywj pheej ntawm kev ua tiav los ntawm tus cwj pwm zoo li no, tab sis qhov tseeb qhov no tsis yog li ntawd. Raws li coj txawv txawv li nws yuav zoo li, tab sisqhov tsis muaj peev xwm hais tias "tsis yog" yog ib qho ntawm cov cim qhia ntawm kev ua phem. Nws yooj yim dua rau tus neeg dag, cog lus thiab tsis ua tiav. Yog li ntawd, tsis muaj kev nkag siab ntawm kev ua haujlwm thiab hauv koj tus kheej lub neej. Tsis muaj qhov twg tsis muaj kev coj cwj pwm.
Nws cov lus thiab kev ua sib cav sib ceg
Koj puas muaj ib tug phooj ywg uas ib txwm yws yws txog lub sijhawm me me uas koj siv ua ke, thiab tom qab ntawd txhua txoj hauv kev sim zam lub rooj sib tham no thiab tshem tawm nws cov lus cog tseg. Nws yuav qhia tag nrho nws qhov tsos tias nws tsis xis nyob. Nws yuav nyob ntsiag to, ntsiag to npau taws, tab sis thaum nug txog dab tsi tshwm sim, nws yuav teb tias txhua yam nyob rau hauv kev txiav txim. Nws yuav hnia, yws txog lub neej, tab sis nws tseem yuav hnia rau kev pab thiab teb tias tsis muaj dab tsi xav tau thiab tsis muaj dab tsi yuav pab nws. Nws muaj peev xwm, nrog ib tug frown ntawm nws lub ntsej muag, redo dab tsi koj nyuam qhuav ua, qhia nrog tag nrho nws cov tsos uas koj tsis tau tiv nrog koj txoj hauj lwm. Tab sis rau tag nrho cov lus nug koj yuav hnov ib yam nkaus xwb: "Nws tsis yog, kuv tsuas yog sim pab koj." Qhov no yog qhov tseeb tshwj xeeb ntawm kev ua phem rau cov tub ntxhais hluas.
Yuav ua li cas nrog tus neeg ua phem ua phem?
Vim cov paib teev saum toj no, nws tuaj yeem suav cov neeg ua phem latent. Tam sim no tseem xav paub yuav ua li cas sib txuas lus nrog cov neeg zoo li no kom tsis txhob ua teeb meem rau leej twg.
teb qhib rau kev sabotage
Txhawm rau pib tawm tsam kev tawm tsam kev ua phem, koj yuav tsum tau tawm tsam nws. Ua ncaj qha txog qhov ua rau koj npau taws thaum tsis muaj lus cog tseg. Thov kom cog lus xwbyam nws ua tau tiag tiag, thiab tsis muab kev cia siab cuav. Lossis thov kom lawv piav qhia lub ntsiab ntawm tej kev ua li ntawd. Tom qab ntawd koj yuav tsum tau ua raws li qhov xwm txheej, nws tsuas yog ib qho tseem ceeb los qhia tias koj qhib rau kev sib tham. Nws yog ib qho tseem ceeb tsis txhob zais koj tus cwj pwm tiag tiag, yog tias koj tsis xis nyob, hais ncaj qha, yog tias muaj qee yam ua rau koj npau taws, ntshai lossis zoo siab, tsis txhob hnov qab hais li ntawd. Nug ncaj qha kom tiv thaiv tus neeg ua phem kom khiav tawm, nrhiav cov lus teb meej thiab qhov tseeb.
Tseeb tab sis khov kho kom ua raws li cov lus cog tseg
qhov kev xaiv no haum rau cov neeg uas muaj siab ntev steel. Knocking tawm cov lus teb meej los ntawm tus neeg aggressor passive tsis yog ib txoj haujlwm yooj yim, ntau lub zog yog siv. Peb yuav tsum qhib qhov bore thiab xav tau-xav-xav tau. Nws yuav yog qhov tsim nyog yuav tsum nco ntsoov tsis tu ncua txog cov lus cog tseg, pom zoo rau lub sijhawm ntawm lawv qhov kev siv. Cia tus aggressor lub npe tsis yog hnub xwb, tab sis kuj yog lub sijhawm.
Txo kev sib txuas lus nrog tus neeg ua phem ua phem
Yog tias tsis muaj ib qho ntawm cov kev xaiv saum toj no ua haujlwm, thiab koj tus khub tseem ua siab tawv sawv hauv av (tseem ncua sijhawm, ncua cov lus teb, tsis kam lees, thiab lwm yam). Yog tias koj tsis muaj lub zog los tiv thaiv tus cwj pwm zoo li no, koj yuav tsum lees tias koj tsis tuaj yeem ntseeg tus neeg no 100%, nws tsis ntseeg kiag li. Sim tsis txhob ua lub luag haujlwm rau nws qhov kev ua. Nws yog qhov zoo tshaj los faib koj lub sijhawm rau hauv txoj hauv kev uas koj muaj kev cuam tshuam tsawg kawg nrog tus neeg ua phem ua phem, thiaj li tsis ua rau koj tus kheej poob siab thiab lwm tus.
Cov lus uas yog qhov tseem ceeb rau kev ua phem ua phem
Koj tuaj yeem txheeb xyuas tus neeg ua phem los ntawm cov kab lus uas qhia tias koj tus khub yuav yog qhov muaj peev xwm ntawm kev ua phem. Cov ntaub ntawv ntawm kev ua phem ua phem tuaj yeem ua raws li hauv qab no:
- "Kuv tsis npau taws" - txawm li cas los xij nws yuav hnov zoo li txawv txawv, qhov kev tsis lees paub ntawm kev npau taws yog ib qho kev tshwm sim ntawm tus cwj pwm tsis txaus ntseeg. Nws yuav tsis lees paub nws txoj kev xav tiag tiag, nws yuav tsis piav qhia tias nws tshwm sim li cas. Nws yooj yim dua rau nws hais tias nws tsis npau taws, tab sis hauv nws yuav yog lub roob hluav taws tiag tiag ntawm kev npau taws thiab kev xav.
- "Raws li koj hais" - thiab tam sim no tsis muaj "txiv ntseej", zam cov lus teb, kev chim siab thiab tus qauv kev coj cwj pwm tsis zoo. Lawv yuav tsis qhia koj meej qhov koj tsis nyiam, lawv yuav tsis muab lawv cov lus sib cav rau thiab tawm tsam. Ib tug neeg tsuas yog thim rov qab rau hauv nws tus kheej thiab muab cov lus teb monosyllabic, tsis muaj qab hau. Nws hloov tawm tias kev npau taws yog tam sim no, tab sis nws tsuas yog qhia ncaj qha, tsis muaj kev sib tham ncaj qha.
- "Yog, kuv tuaj!" - txhua yam yog qhov yooj yim heev ntawm no, nrog cov kab lus zoo li no tus neeg ua phem tsuas yog ncua qhov kev tsis pom zoo. Tsuas yog sim hu koj tus menyuam noj hmo rau lub sijhawm puas, thiab koj yuav hnov qhov tsis txaus siab: "Yog, kuv tab tom taug kev."
- "Kuv tsis paub koj txhais li cas" - kab lus no tsis yog siv hauv lub neej txhua hnub los ntawm cov neeg uas nyiam ncua sijhawm, tab sis kuj yog cov neeg ua phem ua phem. Txhua yam yooj yim ntawm no. Thaum ib tug neeg tau txais ib txoj hauj lwm uas nws tsis xav ua, nws yuav sim ncua nws txoj kev ua kom ntev li ntev tau. Thiab yog tias koj pib nug thaum twg daim ntawv tshaj tawm yuav npaj tau lossis qee yam zoo li ntawd, cov lus teb yuav zoo ib yam: "Kuv tsis paub tias qhov no yuav tsum tau ua.tam sim no". Cov lus teb zoo li no tuaj yeem txhais tau ib yam: tus neeg tsis nyiam txoj haujlwm thiab tsis zoo li nws yuav ua tiav nws zoo tom qab kev ceeb toom tom ntej.
- "Kuv xav tias koj paub" - classic passive-aggressive cwj pwm qhia cov lus teb no. Qhov no yog hu ua zais ntaub ntawv uas yuav pab tau. Thiab qhov no yog ua tiav consciously. Cov cwj pwm zoo li no yuav tsis tshwm sim ntau zaus, cov neeg nyiam ntawm kev xav tau koom nrog hauv kev zais cia. Lawv zoo li tsis nco qab qhia tsab ntawv, qhia txog kev hu xovtooj lossis xa xov tseem ceeb.
Ceev faj, txhua yam me me tuaj yeem siv tawm tsam koj. Yog li ntawd, peb hnov ib yam: “Lawv ua li cas lawv tsis paub qhov no? Kuv xav tias koj paub."
Nyob zoo ib tsoom niam txiv kwv tij neej tsas sawv daws
"Tau kawg, kuv yuav zoo siab" - qhov no yog txoj hmoo ntawm cov neeg tuaj koom, lawv tuaj yeem luag ntxhi rau koj, qhuas koj, cog lus rau koj txhua yam. Thiab ntawm no ib qho kev tsis sib haum xeeb tshwm sim, ntev npaum li koj thov thiab tseem xav kom ua tiav txoj haujlwm sai dua, nws yuav ua tau ntev dua. Lossis tej zaum lawv yuav xaus rau hauv lub urn uas cim "tsis kam."
Thiab tsis muaj qhov tsis txaus ntseeg qhuas. Piv txwv li: "Koj tau ua haujlwm zoo rau tus neeg uas tsis muaj kev kawm siab dua." Zoo ib yam yog tias koj qhia ib tug poj niam ib yam dab tsi zoo li: “Koj yuav tau sib yuav, tsis txhob txhawj. Muaj qee tus txiv neej nyiam poj niam hauv lub cev. Feem ntau, cov kev qhuas no muaj feem xyuam rau hnub nyoog, kev kawm, qhov hnyav, qhov tsos, thiab lwm yam. Lub hom phiaj ntawm qhov kev qhuas no yog los txhawb kev xav tsis zoo, ua phem lossis ua phem. Thiab tsis muaj kev tsis txaus siab, vim nws yog kev qhuas!
Ib yam ntxivib lub cim ntawm kev aggression zais yog sarcasm. Txhawm rau tawm tsam kev ruam, hais tej yam tsis zoo thiab tam sim ntawd tso tseg lawv cov lus nrog cov kab lus: "Nws yog lus dag." Thiab yog tias koj hais tias cov lus tso dag tsis lom zem tag nrho, tom qab ntawd teb koj tsuas yog hnov tias koj tsis muaj kev lom zem txhua. Tej zaum yuav muaj kev hem thawj zais cia ntawm no.
Sarcasm, siab phem, tso dag tsis zoo, thiab tom qab ntawd lo lus nug: "Vim li cas koj chim siab?" Qhov no yog lwm qhov taw qhia ntawm tus cwj pwm tsis txaus ntseeg, ib tus neeg zoo li txaus siab rau qhov xwm txheej tam sim no, nws tau tswj hwm nws tus interlocutor.
Yog koj ntsib tus cwj pwm no hauv chaw ua haujlwm, tom tsev lossis nrog phooj ywg, sim tsis txhob hnov qab, vim qhov no yog ib qho kev ua phem uas yuav tsum tsis txhob ua phem rau ib qho twg. Passive aggression tuaj yeem thiab yuav tsum tau tawm tsam.
